While perusing the blogs via the Next Blog» button I came across this post and I couldn't help but laugh. Someone was either having a really bad night or had a funny idea.
Dear IT Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I'vetried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, whileHusband 10 is an Operating System.
Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally would recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck, IT Support
Dear IT Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted.
They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tendsdelete all of your Money before uninstalling itself'.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
Three Interesting Things For Today
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to meet up with people in a city's square and just strip? Well that is what 18,000 people did today in Mexico city.
Spencer Tunick is an American photographer from Middletown, New York that is known around the world as the Nude Photographer. No, he does not stand around naked taking pictures of things. He does just the opposite, he gathers people from around the world (all whom volunteer their bodies) to be photographed.
I pose the 3 questions to you:
1. Are You Comfortable In The Nude?
2. Would you be comfortable posing nude with thousands of other people?
3. Would you be comfortable being photographed in the nude with thousands of other people?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, then here i is your chance ... apply now.
Before you answer that though maybe I should tell you that all of these people are strictly volunteers. They do this on their own free will. That means they do not get paid or even really get anything, but the self gratification of being nude with strangers. I guess that is not fully true. They do receive a signed photograph and the fact that they are part of history.
_________________________________________________________
I couldn't resist sharing this one with more of the world.
About a year ago I was reading the paper in the waiting room while my car was getting a new set of wheels. I came across an article that just seemed so odd that it couldn't be true, however in this day and age I think anything really is possible (i.e., selling a partial grilled cheese sandwich for thousands that looks like Jesus). I read on to learn that there was a man in Africa that decided to marry a goat! The article didn't give details so until today I had no idea why anyone would or could marry a goat.
Found out about a man and his goat here.
__________________________________________________________
Lastly, I came across a sad article for Ireland. The pub population is decreasing at a rapid rate. They have attributed it to three things.
1. No smokin' in the Pubs since they banned that back in '04.
2. Tougher drink-driving laws (they way they say it...haha gave me a chuckle). Pubs tend to be in remote areas rather than close to home.
3. Times they are a changing for the younger crowd. They are flocking to the larger towns with smarter bars.
I guess that sucks for me when I finally get myself over there. Those were the places that I wanted to visit. I am dying to walk into an Irish pub, order a Guinness and just sit back and listen to the Irish Guy on stage sing a jig!
Spencer Tunick is an American photographer from Middletown, New York that is known around the world as the Nude Photographer. No, he does not stand around naked taking pictures of things. He does just the opposite, he gathers people from around the world (all whom volunteer their bodies) to be photographed.
I pose the 3 questions to you:
1. Are You Comfortable In The Nude?
2. Would you be comfortable posing nude with thousands of other people?
3. Would you be comfortable being photographed in the nude with thousands of other people?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, then here i is your chance ... apply now.
Before you answer that though maybe I should tell you that all of these people are strictly volunteers. They do this on their own free will. That means they do not get paid or even really get anything, but the self gratification of being nude with strangers. I guess that is not fully true. They do receive a signed photograph and the fact that they are part of history.
_________________________________________________________
I couldn't resist sharing this one with more of the world.
About a year ago I was reading the paper in the waiting room while my car was getting a new set of wheels. I came across an article that just seemed so odd that it couldn't be true, however in this day and age I think anything really is possible (i.e., selling a partial grilled cheese sandwich for thousands that looks like Jesus). I read on to learn that there was a man in Africa that decided to marry a goat! The article didn't give details so until today I had no idea why anyone would or could marry a goat.
Found out about a man and his goat here.
__________________________________________________________
Lastly, I came across a sad article for Ireland. The pub population is decreasing at a rapid rate. They have attributed it to three things.
1. No smokin' in the Pubs since they banned that back in '04.
2. Tougher drink-driving laws (they way they say it...haha gave me a chuckle). Pubs tend to be in remote areas rather than close to home.
3. Times they are a changing for the younger crowd. They are flocking to the larger towns with smarter bars.
I guess that sucks for me when I finally get myself over there. Those were the places that I wanted to visit. I am dying to walk into an Irish pub, order a Guinness and just sit back and listen to the Irish Guy on stage sing a jig!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Great Line
Taken from the movie "Blood Diamond"
Jennifer Connely (reporter): "It would be completely off the record"
Leonardo DiCaprio: "Well off the record, I like to get kissed before I get fucked."
Missed Opportunities
Regardless of whether I remember my book or not I tend to grab The Boston Metro for the ride to or from work. It is definitely a great resource and just the right length for my ride on the 'T'.
On Friday's read I came across something that I was excited to go and see because even after reading the article about it, I was still in a state of true disbelief. The only way I really would have believed it was to see it with my own eyes.
On Saturday Wentworth Institute (along with 11 other colleges over the next couple of months) will competed in a 20th annual canoe race. Okay so that doesn't sound too exciting I know, but if I were to add that the canoes were built by the Wentworth students, would that make it a bit more exciting? No, okay then here's the whole kit and caboodle. The students, with no assistance of outside help, will build and race in canoe's that are made completely of cement! Yes, you read correctly canoe's made completely of cement.
Unfortunately do to the timing of a call I was waiting for I was unable to witness this race, but boy would it have been a site to see!
To read more about the 20th annual concrete canoe race click here
On Friday's read I came across something that I was excited to go and see because even after reading the article about it, I was still in a state of true disbelief. The only way I really would have believed it was to see it with my own eyes.
On Saturday Wentworth Institute (along with 11 other colleges over the next couple of months) will competed in a 20th annual canoe race. Okay so that doesn't sound too exciting I know, but if I were to add that the canoes were built by the Wentworth students, would that make it a bit more exciting? No, okay then here's the whole kit and caboodle. The students, with no assistance of outside help, will build and race in canoe's that are made completely of cement! Yes, you read correctly canoe's made completely of cement.
Unfortunately do to the timing of a call I was waiting for I was unable to witness this race, but boy would it have been a site to see!
To read more about the 20th annual concrete canoe race click here
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
If The Saying Is True...
If the saying "it always ends up being the quiet ones" is in fact true, then I don't think any area even if it is deemed to be the safest place is ever truly out of harms reach.
This was proven with Cho Seung-hui acts of violence. What I don't understand is how he fell through the cracks. Yes, he was a quite kid, but when you put all the facts together they paint a pretty clear picture.
Now, I am not saying they represent a killer, but they represent someone that may needed some type of help. Even if that help only amounted to talking...it could have been a start.
The red flags I have gathered:
1. He had a police report for stalking two girls
2. Based on the file against him he was sentenced to a mental health institute
3. In the mental health institute he was deemed a threat to himself and to others around him, but was still released noting he needed to seek outpatient therapy
4. The screen plays ... although not criminal as seen in the eyes of the law, they definitely were not your everyday satire and even drew one teacher to report them to the police
I have said this before, but I will say it again, it is really sad that all you see on the news now a days are murders. It almost makes you immune to it because you see it so often. I am not immune to it though because I have seen it first hand. When I was a sophomore in high school I lost one of my best friends to a sick and twisted low life dirtbag who took her life. So each time I see something like this happen it reminds me of that day and no matter how many times it happens I will never understand why.
Compliments of the BBC.Com website here are some quotes from the video Cho mailed to NBC the day of the shootings.
In quotes: Virginia gunman's message
Cho Seung-hui sent 28 video clips to NBC Excerpts from video recordings sent to NBC News by Cho Seung-hui - the student who shot at least 30 people at Virginia Tech university on Monday.
"You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today. But you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off."
"You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn't enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren't enough, you snobs. Your trust funds wasn't enough. Your vodka and cognac wasn't enough. All your debaucheries weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfil your hedonistic needs. You had everything."
"You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience. You thought it was one pathetic boy's life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenceless people."
"Do you know what it feels to be spit on your face and to have trash shoved down your throat? Do you know what it feels like to dig your own grave? Do you know what it feels like to have throat slashed from ear to ear? Do you know what it feels like to be torched alive? Do you know what it feels like to be humiliated and be impaled on a cross and left to bleed to death for your amusement?
You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can?"
"I didn't have to do this. I could have left. I could have fled. But no, I will no longer run. It's not for me. For my children, for my brothers and sisters that you (expletive). I did it for them.
When the time came I did it. I had to. "
This was proven with Cho Seung-hui acts of violence. What I don't understand is how he fell through the cracks. Yes, he was a quite kid, but when you put all the facts together they paint a pretty clear picture.
Now, I am not saying they represent a killer, but they represent someone that may needed some type of help. Even if that help only amounted to talking...it could have been a start.
The red flags I have gathered:
1. He had a police report for stalking two girls
2. Based on the file against him he was sentenced to a mental health institute
3. In the mental health institute he was deemed a threat to himself and to others around him, but was still released noting he needed to seek outpatient therapy
4. The screen plays ... although not criminal as seen in the eyes of the law, they definitely were not your everyday satire and even drew one teacher to report them to the police
I have said this before, but I will say it again, it is really sad that all you see on the news now a days are murders. It almost makes you immune to it because you see it so often. I am not immune to it though because I have seen it first hand. When I was a sophomore in high school I lost one of my best friends to a sick and twisted low life dirtbag who took her life. So each time I see something like this happen it reminds me of that day and no matter how many times it happens I will never understand why.
Compliments of the BBC.Com website here are some quotes from the video Cho mailed to NBC the day of the shootings.
In quotes: Virginia gunman's message
Cho Seung-hui sent 28 video clips to NBC Excerpts from video recordings sent to NBC News by Cho Seung-hui - the student who shot at least 30 people at Virginia Tech university on Monday.
"You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today. But you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off."
"You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn't enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren't enough, you snobs. Your trust funds wasn't enough. Your vodka and cognac wasn't enough. All your debaucheries weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfil your hedonistic needs. You had everything."
"You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience. You thought it was one pathetic boy's life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenceless people."
"Do you know what it feels to be spit on your face and to have trash shoved down your throat? Do you know what it feels like to dig your own grave? Do you know what it feels like to have throat slashed from ear to ear? Do you know what it feels like to be torched alive? Do you know what it feels like to be humiliated and be impaled on a cross and left to bleed to death for your amusement?
You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can?"
"I didn't have to do this. I could have left. I could have fled. But no, I will no longer run. It's not for me. For my children, for my brothers and sisters that you (expletive). I did it for them.
When the time came I did it. I had to. "
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Just Playing With Some Egypt Pics
Bridge over Funicular
Looking Up
Time to Dive
Nothing but crystal blue water
Doesn't it just make you want to take a swan dive?
Monday, April 16, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Telemarketers
What is the one thing you thought you had gotten rid of when you signed up to be on the "Do Not Call List"?
What is the one thing you didn't get rid of when you signed up to be on the "Do Not Call List"?
That's right, telemarketers, but my mom has come up with an ingenious plan to strike 'em where it hurts. On a recent trip to Colorado I thought I was going to have a chance to share with my housemates some tips on how to get a telemarketer to hang up on you! That's right, hang up on you and not vice versa. The following are two simple scenarios, but I must say please don't take offense as it is all in good humor:
1. When you answer the phone and find out it is a telemarketer, immediately scream with joy and in an exaggerated excited voice repeat the following:
"Oh...my....god! Congratulations!! Do you realize you are the 100th telemarketer to call me and you have just won a prize. Please hang up and immediately and dial 800~555~0000 to claim your prize. Again I want to congratulate you on this great honor and wish you the best! Now have a great day!"
Once you have finish if they haven't hung up on you, then feel free to hang up as you have said your spiel.
2. When you answer the phone and find out it is a telemarketer, immediately start breathing heavily and of course in an exaggerated voice repeat the following:
"Ohuh...my...goood! I am so sorry, but you have called at a bad time....awe!" Take a few breaths and continue with..."can I...take a break...take your name....and number...breath in...and call you back? I am just in the middle of...uh ahhh...well I am embarrased to say"
You should be able to make your own ending at that point.
Now if either one of these options doesn't work for you and you want to take it even a step further, then there is always this option:
How to prank a telemarketer
What is the one thing you didn't get rid of when you signed up to be on the "Do Not Call List"?
That's right, telemarketers, but my mom has come up with an ingenious plan to strike 'em where it hurts. On a recent trip to Colorado I thought I was going to have a chance to share with my housemates some tips on how to get a telemarketer to hang up on you! That's right, hang up on you and not vice versa. The following are two simple scenarios, but I must say please don't take offense as it is all in good humor:
1. When you answer the phone and find out it is a telemarketer, immediately scream with joy and in an exaggerated excited voice repeat the following:
"Oh...my....god! Congratulations!! Do you realize you are the 100th telemarketer to call me and you have just won a prize. Please hang up and immediately and dial 800~555~0000 to claim your prize. Again I want to congratulate you on this great honor and wish you the best! Now have a great day!"
Once you have finish if they haven't hung up on you, then feel free to hang up as you have said your spiel.
2. When you answer the phone and find out it is a telemarketer, immediately start breathing heavily and of course in an exaggerated voice repeat the following:
"Ohuh...my...goood! I am so sorry, but you have called at a bad time....awe!" Take a few breaths and continue with..."can I...take a break...take your name....and number...breath in...and call you back? I am just in the middle of...uh ahhh...well I am embarrased to say"
You should be able to make your own ending at that point.
Now if either one of these options doesn't work for you and you want to take it even a step further, then there is always this option:
How to prank a telemarketer
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Work Emails
Work emails tend to be nothing more than "can you pull this report", "how are we doing on this project", "these invoices are outstanding can you follow up on them" or they can be generically sent to the whole firm about independence, expense policies and the drolling list goes on...
Every now and again though the work newsletter can be okay and there are the rare times that it is rather funny...here are two from today's newsletter that well gave me a bit of a chuckle. One is in light of what this month brings. Valentine's Day of course!
Without further ado, I present to you the....
Every now and again though the work newsletter can be okay and there are the rare times that it is rather funny...here are two from today's newsletter that well gave me a bit of a chuckle. One is in light of what this month brings. Valentine's Day of course!
Without further ado, I present to you the....
Top Ten Gifts NOT To Give on Valentine’s
10. A new vacuum, dishwasher, or any appliance really…
9. A membership to Boston Sports Club, if you don’t know why, don’t plan on having a girlfriend for much longer…
8. Anything from Lane Bryant…
7. The Die Hard Trilogy, now including Die Hard, Die Hard 2, and the digitally re-mastered I’ll Remember this Awful Gift with a Vengeance…
6. Anything you made yourself (only your mother appreciates the 15 minutes it took you to glue some photos and trinkets together, and that was because you were 5)
5. Dinner for two at the Texas Roadhouse, there may be peanut shells on the floor, but you smell that… that’s love in the air (or is that burnt meat?)
4. Any jewelry that comes in a ring sized box, unless it actually is a ring and you’re proposing…
3. That 60inch plasma TV that you… I mean she’s always wanted…
2. That lovely perfume your ex used to wear, and your soon to be ex never will…
1. Flowers from a gas station, nothing says I love you like the sweet smell of 93 octane!
If Valentine's Day is not your thing here was the other part of the email that was a bit funny and rather true of most companies with deliverables.
And if that still didn't do it for you, then this one definitely will. I was at work last week and received an email from a friend whom used to work with me at my current company. I mention this because it plays a part in the story.
I open the email and my friend writes "You have probably already seen this because it has appeared to have gone around the company several times" She was referring to my company, the one she no longer works at.
After reading just that much, knowing that my company is on the rather large size, and the fact that my friend had received this and is no longer working with me, I deducted that somebody was screwed.
I noted that I had to scroll to the bottom to see what this email was all about. As I scrolled down I was seeing that there were several people in my company that had forwarded this email on and they were of varying levels throughout the company. Hmm...I really wondered what this was. So I kept scrolling.
I finally came to the bottom of the email and holy crap, if this is not a lesson on double checking who you are sending your emails to then I don't know what is. This is what an intern that thought she was writing to her boyfriend wrote, when in fact she sent it to her boss on the job.
"baby what time is your game on sunday? i want you all day!"
Poor girl! I bet she'll never do that again!!!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Sometimes you gotta go bold
It may come as no surprise, but girls face many challenges that a guy will/would never even think is a challenge. One of those challenges occurs when we wake up and have to head to the closet to pick out an outfit for work. There are many factors that can hinder a girl from making this decision in the morning (i.e., what's the weather going to be today, is the boss in or out of the office, do I feel bloated and can't wear a particular outfit, is the cute guy in whatever department going to see me, what's going on after work, I think you get the idea as the list can go on forever).
This morning I faced this issue and had it resolved in all of 2.2 seconds when I decided to go BOLD. As I was flipping through my closet contemplating what to wear I decided to just do it. The thought that it is winter did cross my mind, but with the weather we have been having right now I figured why not.
It would take some confidence to pull it off, but without a doubt I was feeling it this morning and the thought of it just put a smile on my face. I knew it would draw attention to myself and I am not one that typically likes to do that, but hell everybody deserves that every now and again. I also had an inkling that it may just put a smile on others faces as well...yes, some of those smiles may be induced by laughter, but as I always say "laughter is the most important part of the day and if you weren't fortunate enough to laugh at least once during the day, then you had a very bad day!" and if they laughed I served a good purpose! :)
By now you are probably wondering just what I did in fact wear to work. I wish I had a picture to post b/c a pictures speaks louder than words, but since I don't I will just have to tell you...I went for the green pants. I am not talking about your ordinary winter green pants either, I am talking green so bold that one would wonder is it spring or St. Patrick's Day or is this girl just nuts? My thought was to just brighten up the day. In Boston and especially this time of year it is a sea of black, grey and khakis colored pants and I felt like brightening my life up a bit and the life of those around me.
In the end I did get looks of wonderment, joy and some hidden laughter, but I also got many smiles including the one on my own face that made it worth it! Now if it were only Friday it would be even that much better. ;)
This morning I faced this issue and had it resolved in all of 2.2 seconds when I decided to go BOLD. As I was flipping through my closet contemplating what to wear I decided to just do it. The thought that it is winter did cross my mind, but with the weather we have been having right now I figured why not.
It would take some confidence to pull it off, but without a doubt I was feeling it this morning and the thought of it just put a smile on my face. I knew it would draw attention to myself and I am not one that typically likes to do that, but hell everybody deserves that every now and again. I also had an inkling that it may just put a smile on others faces as well...yes, some of those smiles may be induced by laughter, but as I always say "laughter is the most important part of the day and if you weren't fortunate enough to laugh at least once during the day, then you had a very bad day!" and if they laughed I served a good purpose! :)
By now you are probably wondering just what I did in fact wear to work. I wish I had a picture to post b/c a pictures speaks louder than words, but since I don't I will just have to tell you...I went for the green pants. I am not talking about your ordinary winter green pants either, I am talking green so bold that one would wonder is it spring or St. Patrick's Day or is this girl just nuts? My thought was to just brighten up the day. In Boston and especially this time of year it is a sea of black, grey and khakis colored pants and I felt like brightening my life up a bit and the life of those around me.
In the end I did get looks of wonderment, joy and some hidden laughter, but I also got many smiles including the one on my own face that made it worth it! Now if it were only Friday it would be even that much better. ;)
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Uncle Sam gives back...what?
I just received this email from my Uncle Brian and thought that I would share it with everyone...happy tax filing to you! Feel free to pass this on or make copies for family and friends who don't have computers. Click on the blog title for more information.
If you file your return as a married couple with no children ,you claim$40.If you file as married with children, you claim $50 if one child, $60if two children.
In all cases, the most you get to claim is $60.
A SPECIAL ONE TIME TAX CREDIT ON YOUR 2006 TAX RETURN
When it comes time to prepare and file your 2006 tax return, make sure you don't overlook the federal excise tax refund credit. You claim the credit on line 71 of your form 1040. A similar line will be available if you file the short form 1040A.
What is this all about? Well the federal excise tax has been charged to you on your phone bill for years. It is an old tax that was assessed on your toll calls based on how far the call was being made and how much time you talked on that call.
The IRS has now conceded this is obsolete. Phone companies have been given notice to stop assessing the federal excise tax as of Aug 30, 2006.You will most likely see the tax on your September cutoff statement, but it should NOT be on your October bill.
But the challengers of the old law also demanded restitution. So the IRS has announced that a one time credit will be available when you and I file our 2006 tax return as I explained above. However, the IRS also established limits on how BIG a credit you can get. Here's how it works.
If you file your return as a single person with just you as a dependent, you get to claim a $30 credit on line 71 of your 1040.If you file with a child or a parent as your dependent, you claim $40.
If you file your return as a married couple with no children ,you claim$40.If you file as married with children, you claim $50 if one child, $60if two children.
In all cases, the most you get to claim is $60.
One final point - this credit is a refundable credit. That means you get this money, no matter how your tax return works out. If you would end up owing the IRS a balance, the refund will reduce that balance you owe.If you end up getting a refund, the credit will be added and you get a bigger refund by that $30 to $60, depending on how many dependents are on your return.
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